The Guidence of Angels.
by River-Ganges
Summary: A Patrick and Lara story, When Patrick leaves Lara with an everlasting reminder, she needs more than the help of friends. please R+R


I don't own any of the characters-If I did Patrick would not be dead!!!  
  
Severe tissue warning- I cried writing this.Be careful  
  
P.S. soledad is the spanish for lonely or loneliness  
  
  
  
The Guidence of Angels  
  
It was a cold Febuary night and Dr.Lara Stone waited impatiently outside Holby City hospital for her boyfriend Patrick Spillar. She had had a long day, working both shifts and all she really wanted to do was go home and sleep but she couldn't syand Patrick up. She soon saw his flashy sports car pull up and she waved him over to her and climbed in. 'You look dreadful swetheart, how long have you been working?' 'two shifts.' 'What! Are you sure you want to go out?' 'Of course I am, I've got a day off tomorrow.'  
  
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After their meal they went back to Patrick's house. Lara woke up the next morning with a splitting headache, her memory of last night was a bit hazy but she remembered the most important bits. She smiled to herself and rolled over. She looked at the still sleeping Patrick, pleased with herself that she was the one to soften his cold heart of stone. Before she had met Patrick everyone thought that he had an unmeltable heart of stone but she had proved them wrong. Patrick was stirring, 'Hello sleepy head,' she yawned. 'Hello gorgeous,' he smiled. The both proped themselves up in bed and leant towards each other and broke into one of the most passionate kisses so far in their relationship. They broke apart and silently decided that words could not describe what had just happened so they just smiled at each other. Lara soon left so patrick could sleep before his night shift. Lara went home to sleep as it was her day off.  
  
A couple of weeks later, on her day off lara woke up with a groan thinking about goint going back to sleep but her plan was ruined when she suddenly made a mad dash to the bathroom and threw up. 'Shit!' she thought. Even then at that early stage she could tell what was happening to her. She knew she had to do a test then go and have a blood test but she was sure in her mind. She started to hope it was not true but she knew deep down inside her that itn was true however hard she tried to make herself believe it wasn't. Her main plan for the day was going to be sleeping but 'stuff that' she thought and ran down to the fchemist to get a pregnancy test. She got home and locked herself in the bathroom. She sunk to the spotless floor. She looked at the small box. She didn't know what she wanted to do, if she did the test she would know, but somewhere deep inside her she didn't really want to know. Just then the doorbell rang. Lara put the box in the cabinet and ran downstairs to open the door. Patrick was stranding in the door way. She invited him in. They were sitting in the living room drinking wine when Patrick unexpectedly got down on one knee and proposed.  
  
two very different people too scared to get along till two hearts beat together underneath one sun one very special moment can turn a destiny and what some would say could never change has changed for you and me  
  
'cause it's all, it's all in the way you look through your eyes and when all is said and done all of the fear and all of the lies are not hard to overcome it's all in the way you look at it that makes you strong we were two (we were two) now we are one  
  
we are two very different people so much to overcome so why care for one another when there's so much to be done  
  
cause sometimes it´s necessary just look how far we´ve come you could say my friend that it´s the end or a new tale has begun  
  
'cause it's all, it's all in the way you look through your eyes and when all is said and done all of the fear and all of the lies are not hard to overcome it's all in the way you look at it that makes you strong we were two (we were two) now we are one  
  
one moment in time is all the time we need just to make a difference to make it better for you and for me it you just believe  
  
oh yeah just open your eyes  
  
'cause it's all, it's all in the way you look through your eyes and when all is said and done all of the fear and all of the lies are not hard to overcome it's all in the way you look at it that makes you strong we were two (we were two) now we are one  
  
oh yeah, oh yeah we were two now we are one  
  
Lara didn't know what to say. She told Patrick her feelings, that she didn't know whether she was ready and that she didn't think she could cope with marriage at the moment. She told him that it didn't mean she didn't love him but she needed some time and not to be mad or angry or resentful as she didn't know what she wanted at the moment. Patrick left quickly before Lara could say anything else. On his way out he told her that he was going to a conference in Leedes tomorrow so she had a whole week to think about it. As soon as he had left lara was in floods of tears. She was about to run upstairs when the phone rang. It was Max asking her whether she could come in and do the night shift as they were an SHO down. She said yes because she needed to get away from the house and the test. She got into work and was immediately submerged in the mad rush of the department. Her first patient was a young girl of five with a broken arm. Lara sorted her out quickly and sent her home with an out-patient's appointment for next week. Her next patient was a young mother, about her age, who had taken an overdose. She was holding a newly born baby who was bawling her eyes out. Lara took the baby and gave her to Colette to take to the nusary. The woman had had a long term boyfriend who asked her to marry him, she was going to say yes but she had told him she needed some time to think but he had left before she could say yes. She was one month pregnant at the time and had gone through with the pregnancy but now she couldn't cope. Lara managed to treat the patient and arrange for the baby to be taken into care without breaking down into tears but afterwards she headed straight for the staff room and surrounded herself in tears. Max sent colette to look for Lara. She entered the staff roomto find lara crying in the corner. She went over to her, she didn't say anything because she understood that all Lara needed was a someone to be there. Lara eventually managed to tell colette everything and colette listened and comforted. With Colette's reassurance that everything would sort itself out in it's own time she managed to make it through the rest of the shift. As soon as she got home Lara ran up to the bathroom and got the pregnancy test out of the cabinet. It was now or never she decided. She did the test, waited the longest two minutes of her life and looked at the little white stick, the only detail on it was a single thin blue line. The test was positive. She tried again-positive. This was it she thought to herself, She was pregnant. She walked solemnly to her bedroom and lay down on the bed and cried herself to sleep. She was woken up a couple of hours later by the phone ringing. She rolled over and picked up the phone on her bedside table. It was Max. At first she thought he was asking her to come and do yet another shiftbut instead he had some bad news of a different kind, Patrick had been involved in an RTA and was in casualty. Lara rushed to the department and straight into resus, completely ignoring the cries telling her it would be better to wait outside. Once inside resus she started to feel faint at the sight of Patrick lying there looking half dead. Max told Anna to go and wait with lara in the relative's room. When they reached the room Lara told Anna very politely that she needed some time alone. Lara collapsed onto one of the sofas feeling like crying her eyes out as she had spent most of yesterday doing but she couldn't. Eventually Colette came to tell her that Patrick had sustained many head injuries and was going up for a CT scan now. The, if a bed was free he would be taked to ICU and she could go and see him then. Lara asked if colette had told Max about patrick and herself because it was meant to be a secret. Colette replied that she had because she thought that Patrick would want her here. Lara ended up telling Colette everything including the proposal and the test. Colette asked Lara if she was ready to say yes yet and tell patrick about the baby. Lara said she still didn't know yet. Patrick was brought back down to resus as there were no beds in ICU. This was not ideal considering his condition. Lara went in to see him. She had seen so many people in his condition but she found looking at the man she loved so much lying there cold, almost lifeless so hard to cope with. She had to let him know what he meant to her. 'I love you so much' she whispered to him. She sat and looked at him, willing him to come round. An hour later he did come round. 'Patrick,' lara whispered, 'I'll marry you,' He gave a weak smile and fell unconcious. He was hardly breathing. Max asked lara whether to put him on a breathing monitor or not, at first lara said yes then she changed her mind. If she said no she would have five minutes to say goodbye properly and then he would be rid of the pain forever, even though she wouldn't. if she said yes she would have to watch him suffer and she couldn't do that. She told max to stop. Lara held Patrick in her arms and whispered gently to him, 'I love you.why are you leaving me now? I'm pregnant.I'll make sure our baby never forgets it'd father.I'll never, ever forget you. goodbye.I love you.Please don't go.Patrick.I love you.so much' Patrick suddenly lay limp in her arms. Lara let his lifeless body slip gently out of her arms and on to the trolly. Lara felt as if all her greatest fears had come true.  
  
I can't imagine any greater fear  
  
Than waking up without you here And though the sun will still shine on My whole world would all be gone.  
  
Nine months later.  
  
Since patrick had died Lara had never been the same, she hadn't smiled once and she had turned nearly as cold as patrick used to be. She couldn't help feeling that Patrick could've pulled through if she had given him a chance. There was one part of her that knew he was strong enough then there was another part of her telling herself not to be so stupid, no one could've survived with those head injuries. Since his Funeral lara had been staying at Josh and Colette's, not able to step back inside her house because of the memories that lurked round every corner. At the funeral, a week after the death, Lara had felt distant from everyone else. Everyone had come up to her offering their condolences but not one of them knew how she really felt. She spent the whole time looking into the grave nearly hating Patrick for leaving her with this burdin.  
  
If only you could see the tears  
  
In the world you left behind If only you could heal my heart Just one more time. Even when I close my eyes There's an image of your face And once again I come to realise You're a loss I can't replace. Soledad,it's a keeping for the lonely Since the day that you were gone Why did you leave me soledad In my heart you were the only And your memory lives on Why did you leave me soledad.  
  
It was now the week before lara was due to give birth and she could've sworn everywhere she turned she saw patricks face. A couple of days later she was sitting in josh and colette's living room flicking through a Mother and Baby magazine when she felt a sharp twinge from her abdomen. At first she ignored it then she felt another one, this time sharper. She called to Colette who had taked the week off and they set off for the hospital. The contractions soonstarted getting closer together and before she knew it she was in the delivery room pushing. Suddenly she gave up. 'Colette, I can't do it, I need Patrick here with me.' 'He is here with you in spirit and in your mind and that is where you need him.'  
  
That statement managed to guide Lara through the rest of the birth. Lara gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She named him patrick. As soon as he was born Lara broke down into tears. Everyone thought it was the stress of giving birth. But it was because Lara knew Patrick was there watching over her, guiding her and protecting her and he always would be.  
  
  
  
In the arms of the angel  
  
Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You were pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie Your in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here.  
  
  
  
~The End~ 


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